Blind spot

A blind spot has been defined thus:

1. Anatomy- the small, circular, optically insensitive region in the retina where fibers of the optic nerve emerge from the eyeball. It has no rods or cones

2. A part of an area that cannot be directly observed under existing circumstances

3. An area where radio reception is weak or nonexistent

4. A subject about which one is markedly ignorant or prejudiced

Points 2 and 4 in this list interest me.  Why?  Because we all have a blind spot.

This can be in many forms, most predominantly; some have a blind spot to what their partner is really like.  I recently found out that one of my best friends was with someone who hit her on a regular basis.  He was in her blind spot (or more aptly, WAS her blind spot); she couldn't see what he was really like.  Even more frustratingly, she probably did know, even though she didn't want to believe it; that he was bad news.  She put him in her blind spot.  Partly because she loved him, partly because she didn't want to believe the relationship was over.

This blind spot syndrome is prevalent in many relationships, not just between partners, but also families and friends.

Now I'm no psychologist, but I see this blind spot in people every day.  How? Because I've had this blind spot too.  Looking back at relationships (certain ones in particular stand out) I can see flaws and faults in previous lovers that I hadn't even considered when I was with them.  Some faults I'd even viewed as a cute quirk.  This is not to say that they have gargantuan faults; they are normal people. By design they have faults.  Nor does it mean my relationships were a waste of time, they made both parties what we are today.  What I am trying to convey however; is that their bad habits or character defects were a blind spot to me and mine were to them.  Purely and simply, it is love.  Love creates and nourishes the blind spot. 

It is whether the blind spot is good for the person or not that is the key question.

  

Character Meredith Grey sums it up best in a Greys Anatomy episode monologue:

'Many people don't know that the human eye
has a blind spot in its field of vision.
There is a part of the world that we are literally blind to

The problem is, sometimes our blind spots shield us
from things that really shouldn't be ignored'

Brogues

I recently bought a pair of brogues.  Every time I wear them I feel like I have a flashing sign hanging above my head saying 'massive gay.'  I'm not sure why I feel like this.  Brogues can be extremely effiminate, especially these ones (black velvet) and I am most definately a femme gay (I think a mere two people have clocked me as bi before I have told them) so its not like I've shaved my head and am wearing a vest.

Maybe its because I feel like a power dyke in them.  Teamed with my new french connection shades, I feel like THE BOMB walking to work.  Awesome.

Its strange, I've never had an item of clothing that has made me feel so powerful and so self conscious at the time time.

Pissed

Sometimes you just need to get pissed and talk about sex with your best mate.  Couldn't be happier.

Sweet Dreams

Have you ever come in your sleep?  Somehow I imagine men are more likely to respond yes to this.

I have.  I think five or six times in my life, once being a few days ago.

It's such a strange sensation, in that its like orgasming in normal conscious life but completely different at the same time. The main difference is that I know I'm dreaming and I can often push the fantasy forward, creating elements in the dream that I know will turn me on even more.  For this reason, I am more in control of the orgasms I have as I can conjure up whatever sexual fantasies will do the business.

When I had my first dream-gasm, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend of three years.  His reaction was not as I'd expected.  I thought it would be 'Awesome, I can't believe my girlfriend can orgasm in her sleep.'  However, I was instead met with 'Oh, so I guess you don't need me now then.'  I had to kindly, but firmly remind him that one dream-gasm in 18 years was hardly going to keep me satisfied.

Having said that, they have become more frequent.  The second one was three years later and the last few have been a little over six months apart.  I'm not entirely sure if they are becoming more frequent, because, as I'm getting older I am getting randier (very plausible and possible) or maybe as time goes on, I'm accepting my sexuality.

The one I had the other night, came (no pun intended) as a result of have a number of sexual dreams throughout the night.  They mostly featured men, which I am sure a sleep therapist will assure me "is my subconscious telling me I'm missing cock" or some such.  But ho- hum, even if I am, I am quite happy missing it for the time being thank you.  I do however, sleep so much more soundly post orgasm, so please dream-gasm fairy, conjure up some more.

The One You Can Never Put Your Finger On (Or In)

I swear every lesbian or bisexual girl has experienced this.  The straight girl who just wont go away.  The one who wont stop flirting with you, teasing you, making you imagine how glorious it would be to fuck her but wont ever give out or even let you know she likes you.


Now this girl existed for me before I got into my current relationship.  It was a couple of years ago, in my previous job.  Now let  me get this straight, my old job was full of young people.  It was a veritable breeding ground for inter-colleague relationships.  I didn't leave my uni years through uni, I lived them through this job.  Everything was just MORE then uni- more booze, more sex, more drugs, more silliness.


Anyway, this place pretty much bred attractive, young women and one of these women I really liked.  I will refer to her as Beth.  Beth is a nice girl, bubbly, funny and popular.  She is not hugely attractive (there were others that were prettier) but she has turned a few heads in her time.  Now Beth is straight, although I believe she has slept with a woman before as part of a threesome.


Now you know when you get a vibe from someone?  Its indescribable.  You just feel like there is something  there but you cant quite put your finger on what it is and why you feel that way.  Now at the time, she used to flirt and it often crossed my mind whether she liked me and if there was something there.


The reasons I think she did like me are as follows:

- She most notably once said 'No, I wouldn't kiss her (in reference to a friend) but I'd kiss someone else' and  then looked directly at me
- She used to occasionally put her hand on my hip when walking past me
- She jumped at the chance when I offered that she stay over
- Sometimes I felt her looking at me
- It was kinda awkward when we spoke


The reasons I think she didn't:

- I think she might just like the attention
- She once said 'I don't want to sleep with a woman again'
- I might be imagining it all

Its one of those situations where you don't know whether its a hopeful fantasy you have created in your mind.  In short, there is no way for me to know without asking her.  These days, I am happy in a relationship and don't work with her anymore, so its become irrelevant to me.  However, as much as I don't want her anymore and don't believe I ever will again, I would still like to know if these feelings were reciprocated.  Maybe one day I'll pluck up the courage to ask.