Break up Sex

With pride coming up in just over a week, I am reminded of a break up just over three years ago with my first girlfriend whom I dated on and off for a couple of years.  Just after the break up I went to my first pride, both hoping I would see her and hoping I wouldn't.

We'd broken up for numerous reasons, partly because I was in the midst of coming out and was finding my emotions very difficult to cope with, and partly because she wouldn't open her heart to me.  I knew she wanted to but had been badly hurt in the past, so like a mother shielding its new born baby she defended her heart.  Post break up wasn't awful, we had parted before and I was somewhat accustomed to it.  I was sad but glad I did the right thing. I was mixed up, I needed someone stable and she couldn't be stable for me.

My first pride came around and I was excited.  Multi-coloured tutu? Check.  Rain mac? Check. Mobile phone in case I wanted to pick up numbers?  Check.  The day came and went, we had a great time (albeit the rain storm).  The evening came and myself and a few friends went to a local gay bar.  There she was.  I only ended up staying for an hour in the end, pride exhaustion had set in and the club was small, where-ever I looked she was there.  I'd spoken briefly to her and that was enough, likewise I couldn't pull because it would look like I was rubbing someone else in her face.  I decided to be the bigger person and leave.

I got outside the club and my phone was laden with texts "Hi, how are you?" "You having fun?" "Come and talk to me."  I text her back "Ive just left, have fun with your mates."  Half way home I got another text "Ive left, I'm coming back to yours."  Impressive since she had friends staying with her.  "Ive left them with the keys, they know their way back" she continued.  So she came home with me.  We did the deed and held each other.  A few occasions after that we slept together but it happened less and less; slowly reducing to nothing.  It was both physical and mental break up sex, not only the physical act but the emotional act of both being close to and withdrawing from your previous partner.

I would say about half the people I have dated I have indulged in break up sex with.  Sometimes its the best sex ever and sometimes its just sad.  I wonder if being a few years older, I'd still do the same if myself and my partner went our seperate ways.  Who knows.