My Dream Family

I had a dream last night I was pregnant.  This dream was so vivid, I woke up this morning with my hand on my belly, protecting my unborn dream child.

The dream involved me being pregnant and unsure when the baby was going to drop, frantically trying to get home in order to give birth in a safe, secure place.  It was a dream that was mixed with distress and happiness; distress that my baby was going to be born prematurely or somewhere undesireable, and happiness that I was pregnant.

This dream reminded me of numerous conversations I have had with friends and family about having kids at some point in my life.  Friends have enquired 'what are you going to do if you are with a woman?' whilst my mum's more direct approach of 'its easier to be with a man, just be with a man' still rings in my head.  In all honesty, I've never questioned how I'll have children.  This isnt because I think I'll end up with a man and therefore all will be easy, its because I know when I decide to have children I will do anything to make it happen.  Of course it would be easier to procreate with a man, but I'd rather live an honest life then a simple one.

The ways a lesbian couple can conceive are as follows..
-adoption
-IVF
-having a child with a male friend

All three options are either difficult, financially draining, stressful or a combination of all three.  However, they dont scare me as such, they are just an obstacle to overcome, muchlike finding the job or house of your dreams.  Nothing worth having is easily attainable.

The one thing that does disconcert me about being in a lesbian relationship and having kids is that whoever I end up with, we wont be able to have a child that is genetically half mine and half theirs.  This upsets me. Logically I can see, however, that if we have a child together, be it genetically hers or mine, I will love him or her either way.  The fact I love my beautiful god-daughters (7 month old twins) as if they are family and spend a small fortune on them says alot I think. 

In short, it was a great dream filled with complications.  Complications that will ultimately manifest themselves in real life.  Scary but true.  Scary but exciting.